Enlighten Me

It’s fairly safe to say that my life has drastically changed over the course of the last couple of years. Hindsight truly is 20/20, isn’t it? It’s very interesting when I think back on these seemingly small occurrences – these synchronicities – that have taken place over time and how each one, each moment, was a stepping stone to where I am today. It would be easy to say that I was simply “living life.” But, I don’t think that’s a fair depiction of what I’ve been going through. I think that instead of saying that I’ve just been living life the past few years, it makes more sense to say that “I’ve been living realization.”

“We do not create our destiny; we participate in its unfolding. Synchronicity works as a catalyst toward the working out of that destiny.” – David Richo

As I was growing up, I never really thought to myself, “You know, Amy…one of these days you’re going to speak with a medium and he’s going to set in motion a whole new perspective on life for you.” There was really no way of knowing, and still isn’t, what life had/has in store for me. Things work in their own way and in their own time, although I do firmly believe that we have some form of control in whether our experiences are positive and enriching vs. negative and suppressive. And we absolutely have to be willing to pay attention to the opportunities that arise, our “cubic centimeters of chance,” because these sometimes surprising and spontaneous forks in the road are where the magic happens.

I tend to say it all started nearly three years ago after having had a conversation with a medium, but actually the ball started slowly rolling long before that, not too terribly long after the death of my great aunt. My Aunt Clara and I shared the same birthday, 11/26. I always felt a very strong connection to her. I thought she was the bee’s knees and just always really loved the fact that we had this special birthday thing that we could share. She passed when I was 18 and in the years since, there is not a day that has gone by that she is not on my mind. It’s very rare I leave the house without wearing the smokey quartz ring she left for me, sort of like I’m carrying her around with me each day. Clara always radiated this energy that made me feel safe and loved and comforted and adored. It was effortless the way she would just envelope me with her love without even having to say a word; it was just the nature of her being. When her health began to fail, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I started distancing myself from it all. Death was something that I just could not understand – thanks to organized religions and the varying and skewed versions and strict beliefs and opinions of the afterlife. It was all very confusing and convoluted and none of it really resonated with me. So, I pushed it away. Everything happens for a reason, and I generally have no regrets, but when I think about her I really wish that I would have had the understanding then to recognize the importance of having spent time with her instead of being a selfish teen with a seemingly-more-important social life. Such is life.

A few years ago I started noticing 11:26 on the clock…a lot. Twice a day. Every day. Maybe I consciously created this myself over time – it’s definitely possible – but I like to think that it’s some universal reminder that she’s always around and watching over me. In the beginning I just brushed it off as a pretty cool coincidence but once it became a twice-a-day thing…it got my wheels turning. My thoughts of her eventually evolved into this extreme sense of longing that was building inside of me and this longing eventually pushed me to the point of wanting more.

I became desperate to connect. Not sure exactly what I was expecting to get out of this connection – it’s not that I was wondering if my aunt was okay, or if she made it to Heaven…maybe I knew she was watching and I needed her validation and approval of the way I was choosing to live my life. Honestly, I think maybe I wanted to know that I was doing a good job and that she was proud of me. This wanting drove me to seek out a potential connection.

As crazy as it sounds, one day I was perusing the interwebs and I ended up on Craigslist. Yes, Craigslist. I don’t even remember why I was on there at the time but I came across this random discussion thread and started reading. Next thing I know I see a post by a “medium” followed by an e-mail address. Should I? Shouldn’t I? What’s the harm in it? It couldn’t hurt, right? I decided to take my “cubic centimeter of chance” and I sent him an e-mail, which was aptly titled “Happenstance.” After weeks of correspondence via e-mail, during which I realized that the longing I had been feeling for my aunt was not for her at all, because I knew she was fine and I knew she always with me, it was actually a longing to learn the truth – to open my heart and mind to more. I finally had a phone conversation with my new-found friend (and medium), George. George spent an hour and a half with me on the phone practically blowing my mind. It happens just like you see on television – this person relaying tiny fragments of your life to you in such a manner that makes you fully aware that the information that’s being relayed to you is coming from some source that wants to make a connection –precise little bits of information that you know were meant only for you and only you would understand them. Whether one realizes it or not, it’s a very healing experience. Although I didn’t connect with my Aunt Clara, I had several other connections take place which were pretty amazing and in those moments of validation, it became less about the connections for me and more about the fact that my world had just become a lot less narrow. The doors of my mind flew open when I realized that if this was possible then there was bound to be more going on out there that I wasn’t privy to and this fueled my search for my truth.

“The universe conspires to reveal the truth and to make your path easy if you have the courage to follow the signs.” – Lisa Unger

Regardless of whether 11:26 on the clock twice a day means anything to anyone else, to me it had purpose. These numbers led to longing, which led to want, which led to exploration and, in turn, led to validation and the sense of knowing that there is just SO MUCH MORE to this beautiful world that what we can see with our eyes. Needless to say, this realization was just the beginning of my – to throw out a popular term – “awakening.” A harsh reality for me through the past few years has been coming to terms with HOW LITTLE we are taught that is of any worth or value to the actual purpose of our being here on this planet. And I’m only speaking from my experience when I say that I have felt nothing quite as deep, aside from love, as the realization that I am, that we truly are, spiritual beings having a human experience.